Mental Health and Loneliness at University

By Rebecca Rutter

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. The people that are truly lonely, more than any others, feel this distinction the most. They also feel the misconception that people have about this distinction. Lonely people can often be mistaken as willingly being so, or perceived as being lonely for a reason that’s of their own fault. It is certainly true that there are some people who do prefer the company of their own thoughts more than any others, who enjoy evenings alone and solitude with a book. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, as people each enjoy spending their time in their own way. The issue comes when individuals who spend most of their time alone don’t actually want to, and desire contact, friendship and relationships that they do not feel they have access too.

It is unbelievably easy for people to find themselves in this situation at university. Amongst all the glamorisation and idealisation of student life as the prime time of your life, the seemingly countless opportunities to socialise, and the infinitely many new people you find yourself coming into contact with, it is remarkably easy to snowball into a position where you feel isolated. Realistically, university is a terrifying prospect. You are leaving behind the stability, certainty and necessity that constituted your time in secondary school, with most people moving far away completely alone, to become one of thousands living their individual and ever increasingly independent lives. This is a door that opens many new opportunities for you, but closes off the small comforts that you never really realised you depended on so much. No longer are you able to socialise by necessarily being in the same place as someone five days a week, able to go home and be surrounded by your family, or people that you’re used to sharing your space with. Everything’s new, and bonds take time to make, more time than most people expect. It’s normal to feel like an outsider at university, most people at one point do, though for some this is more fleeting than others.

Of those who seem to find themselves in this situation the most, through no fault of their own, it seems to be introverts, as well as people who suffer with anxiety. Though being an introvert and having anxiety are in no way comparable, both seem to find social interactions within new situations, or continuous social interaction, quite difficult. This means that due to the nature of university, for the sake of their mental health they might find themselves missing out on a lot of events that others tend to bond over, especially during freshers. If you believe yourself to be one of these people, it’s important to note that it’s not your fault, and you’re not alone. I strongly recommend that if you believe yourself to be suffering from some form of anxiety, social or otherwise, to the point that it is holding you back from doing things that you may want to do, go talk to your GP. There’s also an alternative form of loneliness that out of all of them ,is the most difficult to spot, or realise you’re even in. This is the concept of spending time with people, but still feeling lonely. This usually occurs when one finds themselves with a group of people they don’t really feel like they can relate to, or express themselves to. These people will not appear lonely from the outside, and may often find themselves feeling unfulfilled and not knowing why. This type of loneliness is still as important to address as other types.

Now comes the important part. What should you do if you recognise a person is lonely? The answer is simple, be kind. What not to do is be overbearingly pitiful or to force yourself to hangout with somebody who you don’t seem to fit in with, for this can led to the alternative form of loneliness. However, being simply kind to someone and offering a smile or a greeting can open up a whole world of possibilities for both persons. Even more easily, you can do this through social media, where the possibility of awkward interactions and anxiety inducing circumstances is reduced tenfold. Use this to your advantage! Even more so, start the conversation concerning something you have in common, that being a module or seminar being most easy, as friendship built on common ground is much more stable and likely to be longer lasting.

For the people that feel lonely, all is not lost. Unfortunately for you though, all the effort is not to be on the part of the person or people that realise you are suffering, and even more so for those who may not appear to be so from the outside. All it takes is a little push though, an initiating smile, sitting next to somebody in a lecture, joining a society. Joining a society is of course the most promising endeavour, because the very purpose of a society is for these individuals to be social with other people of whom the have a shared interest with. Enthusiasm should be easy to find! The good thing about university is that most people you talk to will be willing to keep up the conversation, so nothing can go too wrong. If nothing works out at first, don’t fret because bonds take time to form, and they can’t always be struck up with the right person straight away.

You will be fine, and you will find your place, but it’s important to go looking for it, and not to just hope it will come to you.